that linger on

that linger on

Go ahead, figure out just what it was that ruined it. You had it all but wanted more and pitched a fit and destiny would play along. The caveat: you get just what you want until you haven't got a single thing you need. And it's simple enough the feast has passed and now you hunger on.

And no, you can't go back and do it all again.

Mull it over, wake to sleep and sleep to wake Relive it again and again for pity's sake til you're screaming out your heartache song after song. You think, "you get it off your chest" until you see you've burned it in. Sealed for all the rest of your days within the riches past and scars that linger on.

And no, you can't go back and do it all again.

The old college roommates got together the weekend of Hurricane Joaquin. We celebrated John's "Bachelor Party" in our true nerd fashion! Ate delicious food, drank fine beverages, and played great video games. Really, being together just to have fun was the main event (not including the wedding). The weekend drew to a close and I found myself with Zak's ukulele in my hand, plucking out little ostinatos, as I processed the feelings spending rich time with old friends provides. As I looked back, years into the past, I ran the "what-if" gauntlet...and fell. I began to identify ways my introspection and projects had carried me forward while simultaneously binding me to a perception of myself and my experiences.

We return again to our Enslavement-Freedom continuum. In Each and Every Time our release, our letting go, grants us freedom. In that linger on, we are captured by the "what-ifs" that keep us from WHAT IS. Why do we struggle so wholeheartedly with a life that simply doesn't exist? Where is the line between processing our emotional struggles and allowing our hurt, loss, and/or regret to indwell our identities? How can we mediate our thoughts and feelings to heal that which needs healing, and dismiss that which needs dismissing? What moments linger on?

Special thanks to Zak, for letting me borrow his beautiful ukulele, pictured below, for this project.

Set-up for "that linger on" ukulele recording.

Each and Every Time

Each and Every Time

When I would let it go I wouldn’t go without. In every song a gift beheld.

I was by your side each and every time.

And when I woke to see You gave it all to me, every moment each eternal bliss.

I was by your side each and every time.

This past summer was a time of transition for my life. As I planned how to launch into music composition and private recording engineering in a full-time capacity, I envisioned busy days working meticulously on my art and sharing constant threads of updates with interested followers on Twitter, Facebook and other social media outlets. Passing Worth and it’s newly released full-length album, “Getting Over You” would experience continuous growth and exposure in popular and artistically rich circles. Miles to Go would release it’s second full-length album “Perspective” and soon after a song cycle entitled, “The Mystic Set”. All things would blossom! All things would blaze hot! I was answering what I felt (and still feel) as God’s calling and thusly anticipated God answering mine.

My new chapter began in July. For the first time in years, I rested. And much to my surprise, I found that I actually liked getting rest! It was different than sleeping however many (or few) hours available. With newfound time I could rejoin friends on an annual work week in Belington, WV, help Scottie and Marie paint their new home, and even watch Supernatural and Chopped with Moses and Jenny! Taking on writing and recording projects, I still managed to accomplish a portion of what I set out to do. But something was different. My “go-to” stressful and hyperactive workflow was becoming obsolete. And while I treasured the vigor and thrill of the days I employed it, I found a deeper fulfillment in slower, more reflective, and ultimately more focused work in this new phase.

In letting go of the need to “make it all work” and listening to the MUSIC (the REAL music ebbing in flowing all around and within us) I have been able to experience life, not just live it. I am finding that much of my new composition over the past months deals with the continuum between Enslavement and Freedom. In what ways are we held captive by our own expectations of reality? In what ways are we liberated?

I am happy to share with you today, Each and Every Time, which is a reflection on gratitude of provision within release.

This video was shot on the hurricane creek in Pelzer, SC at sunrise on December 3, 2015. Special thanks to Terry, Carla, David and Cecil.